My trip to Los
Angeles over the holidays was successful. I spent Christmas and New Years with family
and old friends, found an apartment in Los Feliz and bought a used Honda. It all costs more than I estimated it
would. Naturally. I am starting to feel some pressure of
running out of money. I am nervous, not
sleeping well. I will be moving at the
end of next week. Mentally, I’m already
an Angeleno again and no longer a New Yorker.
Last week I sent a certified letter to my building
management stating the reasons why I am moving out: the emotional distress of being
in this neighborhood has become too much to bear, the physical effects of being
here (nausea, headaches, went to Beth Israel for anxiety-induced vertigo), and
getting laid off in October. I stated
that I have made best efforts to make it work here, and I have failed. That was a really hard thing to write
down. I have failed. I couldn’t make it work. I don’t anticipate that there will be any
problems in getting out of my lease, however, because their stated policy has
been to let people break their leases with a one month’s rent penalty.
I plan to come back to New York for September 11, 2002 , to remember the victims
and heroes and to celebrate the resilience of our nation and of my friends and
fellow residents here in Manhattan . I look forward to this milestone, to be able
to look back on a more complete healing process and see how far we’ve
come. In the meantime, I have lots of
living to do. So do you. Let’s get on with it.
Mom and me at the Rose Parade in Pasadena January 1, 2002 .
I have never been so thrilled to start a New Year.
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