( a
– rather weak – attempt to relocate my sense of humor)
NEW
YORK – Advertisers and Television Networks are struggling to find appropriate
ads and television programs to air in light of recent terrorist events and the
unfamiliar new world that Americans find themselves living in.
Certain
television series and advertising campaigns were canceled immediately after the
September 11 attacks, because suddenly they seemed inappropriate, tasteless and
even trivial. After all of these
inappropriate ads and programs were pulled, the entertainment and advertising
industries were shocked to realize that they had nothing to run at all.
“With
our heightened sensitivity to the potentially offensive aspects of our programs
and commercials, we were stunned to realize that none of our shows, currently
airing or in development, are appropriate to be viewed by humans living in this
world,” said the ABC Network Chief.
In a
hasty “war-room” meeting held on September 12, the heads of all major networks,
advertising agencies and even some big-name cable television companies agreed
to turn over all of their air-time to newscasters 24/7 until some appropriate
programming could be found.
“We
were so traumatized by the attack, we couldn’t even find solace in the
familiarity of our rise-to-stardom, drug-and-greed induced downfall, then rise
from the ashes stories of our favorite music artists,” said the EVP of VH1
Programming. “That’s why we turned our
airwaves over to the news broadcasts of our sister network CBS for a few days.”
The network and advertising
executives did agree, however, to allow continued airings of “Doc”, the Billy
Ray Cyrus television series which currently runs on PAX TV. In a desperate rush to find some appropriate
vehicle for their ad messages, the valued “exclusive in category” designation
was waived by formerly competing companies Budweiser and Sam Adams to
co-sponsor “Doc.” Each beer company
offered PAX $5 million to run their ads during “Doc”. For $5 million more, future episodes of the
medical drama will include scenes of Billy Ray Cyrus and his co-stars holding
beers in the E.R. and in the doctors’ lounge, with equal air time devoted to
each brand of beer.
“We
were taken aback by the sudden attention from these high-dollar advertisers,”
said the Director of Ad Sales at the Christian cable channel PAX. “But we were so thrilled to be able to do our
part for America
by carrying on advertising for the people during those horrific days following
the attack.” PAX, Budweiser and Sam
Adams are currently in renegotiations over the deal that was penned so hastily
in those early days of America ’s
New War. “We have every intention of
following through on our part of the bargain,” said the PAX Network
President. “And Billy Ray graciously
consented to only drinking Bud Light and Sam Adams lager from now on. But the beer companies are now threatening to
pull out of the deal.”
In
the weeks since the September 11 attacks, television has somewhat returned to
normal. Normal , in the sense that U.S. citizens
once again have more viewing options than just CNN and 24-hour news
broadcasts. Commercials are running
again, much to the relief of many TV viewers.
“I couldn’t take the intensity of no commercial breaks while watching
TV. I mean, when are we supposed to get
a sandwich or go to the head?” one loyal TV viewer remarked in Cincinnati , Ohio
The
Network Executives who were so sensitized in the days following September 11 to
pull all of their programming have also somewhat returned to normal. “We were temporarily confused by the trauma
of the whole situation. Really, bad
taste is not unpatriotic,” says the Executive Producer for CBS’ “Survivor”
series. “Quite the opposite, in
fact. Bad taste is the American Way , and
it is our patriotic duty to continue on with the American Way !” The Executive Producer wouldn’t reveal the
premise of the new “Survivor” season, but he did say it is currently shooting
in the Sahara Desert
Television
is almost back to normal, but not quite.
Many movies and several television series are still sitting on shelves,
waiting for a more appropriate time to be aired. A more appropriate time, when we will again
be desensitized to watching senseless mass murder and acts of terrorism in the
name of entertainment.
Advertisers
are still struggling, however, to find appropriate ad campaigns that will play
well to current viewer sentiment. “Not
every company can simply change its corporate colors to red, white and blue,
because then no one will be able to tell the difference between our logos,”
said a Pepsi spokesperson.
The
real challenge will be for Super Bowl advertisers. So much money is invested in these highly
viewed commercials, and the mood of the country is so volatile right now that
it is difficult to determine what the winning approach will be come air
time. Americans might be chomping at the
bit to destroy our enemies now, but in February when the game is scheduled to
take place, will American casualties have turned this eagerness for war into
disgust? Should Coca-Cola go with the
pro-soldier, fireworks patriotic approach or a more somber, we feel your pain
approach? During the Gulf War, they had
made the wrong choice with the somber approach, and they are determined not to
repeat that mistake.
One
top Advertising Executive said that her agency is in talks with the Defense
Department over possible air strike sponsorships. Should we expect to see military operation
names appended with corporate names and missiles adorned with familiar
corporate logos?
“’Tonight’s
air strikes brought to you by Arrid Extra Dry.’
Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it,”
said the Advertising Executive.
“And it’s a great online convergence opportunity as well. Not only will the Operation be named after
the sponsor and on air commercials will feature the Air Force pilots
themselves, but you will be able to watch streaming video of the missile’s
flight on the sponsor’s Web site. The
missile cam! It will be a huge hit with
the 18 to 34 demo.”
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